


not like in the movies

by littlelooneyluna



Category: robron
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, angst prompts, you will want to hurt me after reading a load of these
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 22:12:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15374472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: a selection of angst prompts#5: "I trusted you."





	1. "Hang on, you’re going to be ok"

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote all of these on tumblr and thought it would be best if i put them all in one place on here. enjoy!

Robert shuffles in late from work complaining of a cold when in reality he feels like his chest is burning and his head is about to fall off. 

He keeps it to himself though as he hangs up his coat, pulls his scarf off from around his neck and rests his head against the wall for a second. He just breathes in and out for a few times and then he hears some rattling coming from the kitchen and Aaron’s standing there.

“You showed up then.” Aaron grumbles, arms crossed and eyes hard and Robert sighs a little. Robert already knows what he’s done wrong. He’s completely forgot about the fact that he dropped his key off at Aaron’s because he was planning on cooking for them both.

Aaron, the bloke who he met at a party when they were barely out of their teens and everything was uncomplicated. He’s not gelled his hair, it falls about over his forehead a little and Robert remembers ruffling his hands through it that night they met.

He remembers them being fun. He remembers Aaron wanting to travel the world and putting it on hold to see out the end of Robert’s business contract. He remembers and remembers and his head feels heavy with it. 

“Aaron.” Robert rubs a hand over his head. “Aaron I just forgot.” He says, because it did. It’s not common either, things don’t just slip his mind but today -

Aaron takes offence, frowns a little and then he’s walking towards Robert and staring at him funny. “You’re hiding something from me.” He looks hurt more than anything, he looks like he’s stressed because of Robert and it shouldn’t be like this.

They’re  _young_. They should be throwing each other’s clothes across the room by now, not having an argument over missing a dinner.

Robert’s eyes flicker. “I’m not.” He says, only he raises an eyebrow at the way Aaron doesn’t seem to believe him. “Is this about Leyla  _again_?”

Lovely Leyla is apparently this massive threat and Aaron is too insecure to look past it sometimes. It’s why they end up arguing again, because she’s a flirt and Robert’s a flirt and sometimes Aaron doesn’t think they’re strong enough to fight against it.

“It’s about  _you_.” Aaron pushes past Robert, “Do you regret me staying?” His chin wobbles now and Robert is reminded of Aaron’s stupidly grand gesture, running back from the airport and promising to stay for Robert, he chose Robert over a ticket around the world and now it’s all -

“Fuck no.” Robert says, and he’d fight more if he didn’t think he was going to drop down any minute. “Look, I’m sorry I missed your dinner. Work’s stress and - and I -“

“Do you love me?” Robert hears it but it doesn’t register until Aaron’s saying it again, this time like he’s terrified.

“Aaron of course I -“

“You’ve been  _distant_.”

“I have a fucking cold!” Robert shouts, it makes Aaron waver like he has to think of something else to say, and he does, he’s talking about all this *stuff and Robert feels everything close in on him.

“I gave up everything for you.” Aaron plays that card because he can, and Robert wants him to stop now, he wants to kiss him, he wants to laugh until they’re breathless and be stupid like they were before.

But Aaron looks so hurt and Robert feels his heart beating through his chest and he doesn’t even know why.

“Yeah? Well why don’t you just  _go_  if it’s so bad.” Robert shudders, and Aaron’s already got his back turned away from him, he’s already looking like he wants to leave. “Just go and -“

Robert suddenly feels his hands begin to shake out of nowhere and he doesn’t know why. They won’t stop and he can only try to hide it as Aaron turns to look at him.

He charges right up towards him and shakes his head. “Maybe I will. Maybe I’m sick of -“

Robert’s standing one second, looking pale and worn and then the next second he’s in Aaron’s arms and he’s collapsing. His hands are shaking, they’re just shaking and then they stop. And  _he_  just  _stops_.

“Rob?” Aaron’s mouth gapes open, he’s got tears forming in his eyes as he looks at how still Robert has gone in his arms as they are crouched down on the floor. “Robert,  _Rob_  come on.” He has a hand on Robert’s face and he shakes a little. “Hang on, you’re going to be okay. You’re going to be  _fine_.”

The thing is though, Robert isn’t fine. They don’t know what’s wrong with him for the longest time and Aaron has to sit outside by himself for what feels like years before a nurse approaches him.

“Just  _help_  him.” He’s saying as she tries to speak, she’s talking so slowly, he can’t breathe. “Why won’t he wake up properly?”

“Robert needs a few more tests done just to understand what the real cause is here. But we have our suspicions.” She’s joined by a doctor and he sets the record straight.

And Aaron’s too confused for words.

They say he’s showing signs of early on-set Parkinson’s disease and it  _still_  doesn’t make any sense does it? How can it when Robert is a young, fit bloke with the whole world at his feet.

“You can’t tell him that.” Aaron’s whipping tears away from his face, “He’s proud. He’s got a cold, that’s all.” 

Only they do, and Aaron can’t bring himself to do anything other than cry.

••

Eventually he can’t help himself. Aaron’s moving slowly into the hospital room and Robert is laying out on the bed with his eyes closed and hair flat against his forehead.

He takes slow steps towards the bed and then stops dead as Robert opens his eyes and looks right at him. “You’re still here?”

Aaron frowns faintly. “Where else would I be?” He says, reaches out and kisses Robert’s hand. He’s surprised Robert doesn’t push him away. He’s thankful.

He’s been outside practically all night overthinking everything. He remembers the last time they had sex, days ago, and Robert was complaining of back ache for the rest of the day because of it. He remembers calling him  _old_ , stretching the four years between them as far as he could. 

It was just another symptom of this. Just like him forgetting the dinner. 

“At yours.” Robert mumbles, “Anywhere else.” He says, distant, so quiet that Aaron has to strain his ears to hear. He’s doing what he usually does. He’s closing in on himself when there’s a problem that they should  _share_.

“Don’t be stupid.” Aaron holds Robert’s hand tighter. “I want to be here. I want to help -“

“The poor old man who’s losing it.” Robert turns over and Aaron sees that there’s tears falling down his face silently. 

“No.” Aaron shakes his head. “You. I want to help the man I love you idiot. But you have to let me.”

Robert shifts and he aches slightly as he looks at Aaron and frowns. “I don’t need to do anything.” He says, pulls his hand away from Aaron. “And neither do you. Maybe, maybe this is a sign.”

Aaron’s eyes widen, there’s tears forming and he has to gulp hard to stop them pouring out. “What are you banging on about?” He tries to act like he doesn’t know.

“I think it’s best if you just go.” Robert doesn’t look anywhere but the ceiling, “Just forget about this.” He says. 

“How?” Aaron’s saying suddenly, eyes flickering as he looks down at Robert. “Me and you are -“

“We’re still new.” Robert wrinkles his nose, breathes in deeply and it’s true. They’ve only been together for six months and things have been going so fast already haven’t they? Aaron’s already ran through an airport for him, given up so many chances and  _now_  there’s this. 

There’s this stupid illness in the way of it all. 

“Who cares?”

“Me.” Robert speaks quicker now, like he can’t take any more of having to feel this. “I - I care, about you having to stick around now because of -“

“Because I love ya.” Aaron grabs Robert’s hand again, shakes his head slightly. Simple fucking as. “So I’m going to be here for you.” He frowns a little as he speaks and then he’s sighing. “Don’t try and shut me out because -“

“They told me I have Parkinson’s.” Robert says it and Aaron holds it together as he sees Robert crying. “ _Parkinson’s_.” He whispers. “So I’m a write off basically.”

“Don’t be daft.” Aaron’s got no idea what anything like this means, the work that will go into making Robert deal with it, cope. “Of course you’re not. You just need to -“

“Deal with it?” Robert gulps. “Well this is me dealing with it.” He looks right up at Aaron. 

“By telling me to piss off?”

Robert’s jaw clenches. “By letting you -“

“ _Go_?” Aaron’s hands shake as he tries to stop himself from letting all his emotions flow. “Is this you tryna do romance because it doesn’t suit ya. You don’t need to let me go.” 

“Maybe not.” Robert says. “But I want to.”

And Aaron sleeps out on the chairs instead of next to Robert like he planned.

••

Aaron blinks awake and pulls his arms across him as people walk past. He’s got a view of Robert’s room from where he’s sitting and he watches tentatively as a doctor talks to his boyfriend.

He can’t hear anything but he sees Robert with his head down as the doctor asks him to hold his hand out. It shakes a little and Robert seem to control it enough for it to slow down and the doctor doesn’t seem alarmed.

Aaron grabs him as soon as he leaves.

“Strictly speaking, unless you’re a blood relative or -“

“His sister’s stuck in Chicago. I’m his boyfriend, I just want to know how he’s doing.”

The doctor does his best to reassure him, they’ve given Robert a bunch of pills that should help with the condition and apparently he just needs love and rest.

Aaron wants to give the love bit as much as Robert will let him.

••

“They said you can come home.” Aaron pokes his head around the door, he hasn’t left the hospital for three days now and the staff are taking pity on him by letting him use their bathroom and shower.

Robert looks startled to see him. “I thought I told you to go.” He says.

“I didn’t listen.” Aaron steps in, rubs a hand over his face. “I couldn’t just go.”

Robert doesn’t look at him. “I don’t want to hear it.” He says, like it’s hard for him to know.

“Tough.” Aaron hisses suddenly. “You need me. I know you do and guess what? I need you too.”

Robert scoffs. “It’s not the same.” He says wearily, head pushed back against the pillow now. “You know it’s not the same.”

Aaron suddenly has an image of Robert falling towards him again, shaking and unwell and -

“I don’t care.” Aaron shakes his head against the panic. “I want to -“

“You  _don’t_.” Robert says, chin wobbling. “You don’t seem to  _get_  it do you? I’m only going to get  _worse_. And that wasn’t the plan?” Another few months and they were off travelling the world together. “It’s not what you got yourself into.”

“Neither did you.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“Neither do I.” Aaron shouts, holds down on the bed and shudders a little as Robert stares at him. “I love you.”

They’ve said it only a few times, Robert says it more, Aaron  _hardly_ ever says it and now here he is. He’s saying it all.

“You loved Jackson too.”

“Jackson?” It’s something they don’t speak about. Robert knows not to go there. He knows. 

“That’s why you stuck around and - and I don’t want you having to go through that again.”

Aaron had a hand across his mouth and he shakes a little. He wants to be sick and then he holds himself together and scowls. “Jackson was completely  _different_.”

“I could end up like him. And you’ll resent me.” Robert reasons, like he’s a doctor, like he can tell the future and Aaron shakes his head again, he says he doesn’t care  _again_ , he says  _never_. “Maybe not now, but you will. You’re  _twenty-four._ ” He says. “You don’t need this. You don’t -“

“But I need you.” They’re going round and round in circles and Aaron can’t breathe. He has tears in his eyes again and they fall. Robert looks away. “Please.”

“Just go. Please. Just walk away from this.”

“I  _can’t_. Don’t make me.”

Only Robert is making him isn’t he? He’s bringing up Jackson and Aaron can’t bare the weight of what that means and -

He goes.

••

Aaron breaks roughly two weeks after they’ve officially split up in that hospital room and he needs to see him. He’s on a run when he does see him, Robert’s sitting on a park bench all by himself and he can’t reach down to bring the umbrella up towards him the way he wants.

Aaron stops. The world stops and his eyes suddenly fill with tears don’t they? He thinks about his mum, the fact that she  _dared_  to argue that maybe it’s for the best, maybe it’s a fucking lucky escape or some shit.

“It’s not a lucky escape.” Aaron is pouring his heart out to her over a pint and he’s trying to stop the way it hurts. “I want to be with him no matter what.”

“It’s only been -“

“Six months.” Aaron butts in because he knows. “Mum, I never thought I’d feel like this. I never thought that I’d even get over Jackson but - I love him so much.”

She offers him a hug and a sweet tea and he pulls his head down.

It’s raining now, it’s what shocks Aaron out of his thoughts and it doesn’t take long before he’s walking towards Robert and pulling the umbrella up further towards the older man so that he isn’t getting wet.

Robert looks up at him and Aaron feels his heart lock.

“Thanks.” Robert says, eyes wide and green and Aaron’s.

Aaron bites his lip, and his hood blows in the wind against his ears. “It’s okay.” He says, sits slowly next to him.

“It’s not though is it.” Robert sounds as miserable as he looks and Aaron tries to fight the need to touch him. “My hand sort of gave up for a second, I couldn’t even hold onto it.” He says, staring at the umbrella and then down at his hand and sighing. 

Aaron’s eyes flicker and he holds a breath before reaching over and pulling Robert’s hands in towards him. “Well hold on to me instead then.” He says, and who says romance was dead when Aaron’s being this soft. He leans in, face wet from the rain and Robert’s umbrella awkwardly in between them. He presses his head towards Robert’s forehead and Robert settles for a second before he pulls away.

“Aaron, stop.” Robert shakes his head, squeezes his eyes shut a little and then tries to control his breathing. Apparently it helps. “I want to, I want  _you_  but we can’t.” 

Aaron’s chin wobbles. “Stop punishing yourself.” He hisses. “Stop tryna  _save_  me from what I want. And what I want, is you.”

Robert blinks softly. “Maybe so. But not this condition.” He says. “You don’t want years of your life cut short ‘cause I’ll - I’ll get worse.” He looks fucking gutted and it aches but Aaron sighs. “And you don’t even know what -“

“I’m pretty certain you’re at stage three.” He pulls out a battered leaflet and Robert freezes. The rain seems to have stopped falling so heavily now. “It says here: ‘The person is still fully independent, but symptoms significantly impair activities such as dressing and eating.’ I might be wrong but -“

“Yeah. Stage three. That’s what they said.” Robert chews his lip for a second and then squints a little. “You’ve been reading up?”

Aaron nods. “Of course I have.”

“Even though I ended it?” 

Aaron’s soft smile is gone suddenly. “Even though.” He says, without a second thought, a shrug of the shoulders.

Robert plays with his hands and holds them together tightly. He looks like he’s concentrating and he makes a point of looking at Aaron as he speaks. “I don’t deserve you, I never did.” He says.

“Shut up.” Aaron says loosely. “Shut up tryna cut me out. I can’t handle it.”

Robert holds his breath for a second. “If you can’t even handle this then -“

“I can handle anything if I’ve got you.” Aaron says, small circles forming in Robert’s hands as he holds them. 

“I’ll lose it you know? I’ll - I’ll be this shell of a man one day.” Robert’s chin is wobbling again. “And I don’t want you to have to - to do everything for me like I’m some old man who -“

“Robert -“

Robert shakes his head. “We were travelling the world weren’t we?”

“We still can.” 

“No. No we can’t.” Robert says hastily. “We were going Australia first weren’t we? Then travelling all the way back home.” He has this smile on his face. “And I -“

Aaron holds his shoulders suddenly and the umbrella falls to the ground but he doesn’t look. “Now you listen to me Robert Sugden, we’re still going to Australia, travelling the world, you still have a fucking life and you’re going to  _live_  it. With me.” He shudders a little as Robert looks away. “Oi. I won’t let you wallow anymore. The only difference now will be your medication coming along too.”

Robert half smiles, and his eyes well up. “I want to be - be independent. I want to do things for myself. I don’t want anyone looking after me.” He says, and Aaron nods quickly.

“We all need someone to look after us.” Aaron strokes Robert’s hands a little. 

Robert holds a breath. “And you’ve already had to -“

Aaron shakes his head a little. “Jackson was tough. I hated how much it hurt us. But it was a pleasure, looking back now it was - it was a  _pleasure_  to look after him. But this is different Robert. It’s different.” 

Robert nods slowly for the first time and Aaron has to smile.

“I love ya.” Aaron shrugs. “And I might be young, I might be daft and stupid and naive but so are you.” Robert laughs for the first time in weeks. “I want to look after you like you’ve looked after me.” He holds Robert’s stare, heart beating, over and over again and then he leans close and Robert lets him. He kisses him gently and melts against him. 

Robert pulls away a little, tears falling down his face. “I’ll keep looking after you too you know.” He says. “And I don’t need you to look after me.” Aaron nods eagerly. “Because I’m independent.”

“I know that.” Aaron says softly.

“But I want you there, when it gets harder. I do. I know that’s selfish but - I don’t want to push you away anymore. I don’t.” Everything hits him hard, travels through him over and over again and Aaron wraps his arms around him. Holds tight.

He’s still holding tight three months later, they’re leaning back on the plane and Aaron’s asleep with his mouth open right next to Robert who’s just staring at him.

They’re on their way to Australia. 

And Aaron still doesn’t let go.


	2. “I’m still not over you” +  “This can’t be the end”

 

Robert says it on stage, in front of everyone, he announces that he’s leaving the band and the crowd goes wild. Not in a good way. They lose it so badly that Robert has to be dragged off by Pete and although he’s only their bodyguard, he acts like he’s rescuing him from a fire or something. 

“You’re fuckin’ brave.” Pete’s saying, hands flying about a bit as he pulls Robert into the green room. “Announcing it there and then.”

Robert just stands in the middle of the room, unhooking the guitar from his side and Aaron can’t breathe. He just stands in the corner of the room and shudders as Robert looks towards Holly and Ross. 

“It didn’t know how to say it.” Robert shrugs. “It was easier doing it that way.” 

He speaks like he’s genuinely done them all a favour and Aaron shakes his head at him in pure disbelief. He just doesn’t understand it, he doesn’t even want to. 

“Oh  _yeah_ , finding out with all those screaming teenagers was exactly what we all were after.” Ross chucks a drum stick at Robert’s head and he cowers a little before gulping hard.

“So you just  _weren’t_  planning on telling us, you were just going to leave?”

Robert goes to speak but his eyes catch sight of Aaron and he wavers. He buckles and Aaron lets him squirm. He lets Robert see just how fucking hurt he is. He lets him see the tears in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry. Okay?” Robert sounds fed up already, like he has the right to be annoyed by the questions, like he isn’t leaving them. Aaron keeps staring hard at him until Ross asks what he thinks about all of this.

“It’s done. It’s - he’s made his mind up already.” Aaron says, deflated, like someone’s just bursted this giant balloon and he’s just got to let it go. He hangs his head and slams his dressing room door shut with this mighty thud.

And yeah, he’s sitting there like a kid going through the photos on his phone and looking at him and Robert.

They had met when they were only kids, they were stupid and stubborn and parted ways when Robert went off to university. And somehow they fell back together, became mates instead of enemies and then - 

The door goes and Aaron keeps his head down because he already who it is.

It’s always him.

“Aaron.” Robert says, and Aaron sees him looking at him through the mirror. He can’t run now, he has to sit here and hear what Robert has to say. “I didn’t know how to say it.”

Aaron scoffs, “To my face.” He says bitterly. “Alone. Maybe back here like we’re used to.” He looks up and Robert  has his head down. He almost like he’s ashamed of himself and maybe he is, maybe he’s ashamed of them. “Was it because of us?”

And us means whatever they call the fact that they’re usually having sex by now and it’s somehow still a secret. It’s been a secret for over a year now.

Aaron still remembers when Robert first kissed him. Slow and steady and then everything all at once. Just like everything else when it comes to the two of them. 

Robert blinks a few times like he’s trying to come up with something to say and Aaron decides he can’t hear it. He tries to get to the door only Robert holds back and he can’t fight against him.

“She knows.” It’s all Robert manages to say, his throat is hoarse and it’s enough to make Aaron’s eyes flicker with concern. He’s got tears in his eyes and it’s usually Aaron’s job to get emotional. “She knows Aaron.”

He doesn’t even have to say her name. 

Because keeping things secret isn’t only for the sake of the band is it? It’s because Robert has a girlfriend. 

And apparently she knows.

“What do you mean -“

Robert keeps his head down, but he brings a hand up towards Aaron’s waist and then drops it again like he has to keep reminding himself to stop. 

“Chrissie knows.” Robert says, “She read the texts and she fucking knows Aaron. It’s why -“

Aaron’s eyes roll back suddenly and he understands. He gets what he’s saying. “She’s making you leave the band ‘cause of us?”

He’s only met Chrissie a handful of times, she’s all glossy hair and clear nails and everything that Aaron can never be. He gets that. He’s accepted the fact that Robert and him crashed together countless times and they’re not supposed to, it’s not  _fair_  on her but  _this_  isn’t fair on them either.

It’s not fair on Robert, and it’s not right and Aaron wants to do everything he can to stop it but Robert seems to have accepted it already.

“Her dad’s the one that signed us, do you remember that?” Robert raises his head, big green eyes and Aaron hates them. He hates the fact that they have his potential to be pretty fucking normal and content if they want to be but Robert crawls back to her each time doesn’t he?

Since the beginning. Since the first time they were holding each other’s jackets and flying into walls and giving in to exactly what they felt. They were fucking the fact that strictly they weren’t supposed to be doing this at all.

And now Robert is ruining it all. 

“So you dance to her tune?” Aaron whispers, “After everything?” He has a hand over his face as Robert stares at him.

“I don’t have a choice.”

But it’s code.

“Everyone has a choice.” Aaron’s shouting now, eyes wide and this anger building up inside of him. “Rob, we’ve worked for this. We’ve built up -“

“I have to think about that. I have to think about our careers, not just what you feel!”

Aaron realises what he’s doing, he realises exactly what he’s fucking doing. He’s making out as if he’s the one who initiated all of this, chases after Robert when it wasn’t that way around at all.

They both know that. It was Robert, it was Robert after that first gig. It was Robert always, it was always -

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry -“

“You don’t get to say *that.” Aaron says, and he pushes at Robert’s chest over and over again. He’s fucking frustrated. He wants him to say. He wants Chrissie to fuck right off. He doesn’t know how to breathe until Robert is holding his face and Aaron kisses him when he’s meant to push him away. “Rob -“ His voice breaks a little, he can’t control it as he moves away from him and tries to stop his chin from wobbling.

They’ve not kissed like that before. It’s been quick and hasty and usually booze induced, not soft, not desperate.

“I have to go.” Robert says heavily. “Chrissie’s waiting for me.”

“Don’t.” Aaron reaches a hand out, sees the kid he knew, sees a mate, sees someone he wants to  _stay_. They’ve danced around everything for too long and he wants it to be them this time. “You’re - you’re too fucking  _talented_  to just give it all away.”

“She’s setting me up with something else.” Robert whispers, “She said -“

“She forgives ya?” Aaron frowns, eyes filling with tears because he doesn’t know how to stop how awful he feels. “She’s tryna  _control_  ya Rob.” 

And Aaron wants to set him free. He’s learning that he doesn’t have the right, pretty fast.

“Aaron, I have to -“

“This - this cant be the  _end_?” Aaron says it like a question, he’s begging Robert to tell him it isn’t. He’s begging him to man the fuck up, own whatever he feels, tell Chrissie she can’t control him like this.

But Robert closes his eyes instead. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“You’re hurting yourself as well. You’re hurting the band and - and -“

“I’m tryna keep everything together. I’m tryna -“

Aaron has tears in his eyes that fall and he roughly pushes them away. “You’re lost. You’re a  _coward_.” He dares to say the truth and Robert has to look away doesn’t he? 

“Yeah? Well you should be pleased you don’t have to deal with me anymore then.” 

••

The announcement of Robert leaving the band naturally sends Twitter into a shit storm and Aaron can’t avoid it even if he wanted to.

Like Ross and Holly though, he declines to comment and pretends like his heart is breaking by writing songs and pretending they’re not about him. 

It’s pathetic and he hates himself for spending so much time thinking about him. But he misses him, because before they were jumping into bed over and over again, they were  _mates_. They got on, they teased each other and laughed their heads off when everyone assumed Holly and Ross were romantically involved and not  _cousins_. 

They were everything once, before and after Chrissie came along. But now that’s over, now Robert is off doing his own thing and they all have to try to pick themselves up like he didn’t exist.

Like he didn’t have a skill and a talent that they all craved. It was why Aaron didn’t like him much as kids, he was pure talent and Aaron was besotted with it in this jealous way. 

“Forget him.” His mum doesn’t know a bloody thing so he doesn’t expect her to have much of an opinion. “He was always flighty, you don’t need the hassle.” He wants to accept what she’s saying, he wants to say that he agrees but he doesn’t. 

And the feeling only grows. He only becomes more recluse and fucking angry about the fact that Robert’s gone and he’s stuck in this awful way when he only wants him to come back. It lasts up until the first gig without him. 

Ross is covering lead now with Holly and Aaron’s not only on base anymore. The crowds are even bigger than they were before and he supposes it’s a good thing but he can’t bring himself to smile about it.

“See you out there man.” Ross slams a hand down on his shoulder and shakes him a little before he disappears and Aaron’s alone in his dressing room.

“You not joining them?” He hears a voice and suspects who it is straight away, he raises his head and Robert’s standing there. 

He’s got a beaten old leather jacket on and a pair of jeans. He looks like he’s crashed down to earth or something and Aaron doesn’t know how to breathe. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to see you, the band. I wanted to -“

“We don’t need your pity.” Aaron offers a scowl and nothing more and Robert’s eyes begin to flicker as he frowns. “So you can do one.”

“It’s not - not about pity.” Robert looks like he’s going to start crying. Aaron looks away. “Aaron, I wanted to tell you that -“

Aaron cuts him off again naturally, because he just looks at Robert and wants to snog his face off and he can’t be around him until the feeling is gone. He tries to get passed and then Robert goes and says what he says. 

“I’m still not over you.” Robert offers, it trips out, falls over them both and his chin wobbles. “I still want you. Everything’s had to change but that hasn’t.”

Aaron turns slowly, he can hear the crowd roaring outside and there’s tears prickling his eyes as his back hits the door. “You can’t say stuff like that.”

“I meant it.” Robert moves closer. “I want you. We can work this out -“

“What? Lie and sneak around?” He’s done with it, he’s done pretending that this is just  _sex_ , the thrill, the high of performing together. It’s more than that. It always has been for him. 

Robert sighs. “You don’t have to say it like  _that_.” He says, hands waving a little. “I’m trying here Aaron.” He looks frustrated, like he expected Aaron to fall at his feet or something.

“To what? Have the best of both worlds?” Aaron has a hand on the door handle, everything is screaming at him to turn it, to  _go_  but Robert has a hand on his chest. 

“Have you.” Robert shakes his head. “It’s all a mess but I - I want ya.” He blinks against the way Aaron’s breathing. “I just -“

Aaron pulls away, he has the strength to do that. “I’m not enough for you. Chrissie, she’ll always have this hold over you and it’s not ‘cause you’re scared about what people will think, it’s ‘cause you - you want what she offers.”

Robert doesn’t deny it. He doesn’t say anything but Aaron doesn’t need to have it confirmed. He’s been photographed kissing Aaron once, back in the day, he was nervous but everyone already knew he swung both ways and it was cheered about. It’s Chrissie. It’s the money that’s stopping this.

“Bye Robert.” Aaron swings the door shut, follows a guard towards the stage and acts as if he hasn’t just broken things off once again with a bloke he isn’t even seeing. It drums through him over and over again until they’re finishing up the last song and he sees Robert’s face in the crowd.

It’s like he’s teasing him and he wants to tell him to get lost, to go have this amazing career, to leave them all alone but he doesn’t have the strength. He doesn’t say anything until -

“What’s he doing?” Ross shouts over the drums, and Holly’s still singing like she’s some professional but Robert’s charging through the crowd and pulling himself up on the stage like he can.

“You’re - you’re mental. Robert get -“

Large hands are suddenly around Aaron’s face and the crowd are screaming their heads off.

“I choose you over her any day of the week.” Robert’s hair is all floppy and unkept and Aaron’s eyes flutter. He goes to speak but Robert decides to kiss him instead.

He kisses him and the place loses it, Ross starts cheering like he’s at a football match and -

Robert’s really kissing him in front of everyone and not giving a toss.

He pulls away to breathe and Aaron’s eyes open slowly. “You didn’t have to -“

“I came here to tell you. I left her. I - the band might go under but -“

Aaron kisses him and it all starts up again, and the lights go down before any screaming fans can take pictures. It’s already too late, it’ll be all over the magazines tomorrow. They both know it.

“You chose me.” Aaron makes small circles into Robert’s waist and he won’t stop smiling. Even when Ross passes them, pretends to be vomiting. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Robert says softly. “Just kiss me again and we can think about all the rest later yeah?”

And Aaron does just that.


	3. “Did it take you long to move on from me?”

Aaron’s getting pissed for a number of reasons and they all circle back to Robert Sugden. It’s why he’s in this state, it’s why he’s hurt and numb against the fact that he genuinely thought he could come back and everything would be normal again. 

He’d left. He’d left Robert for the fucking army, to follow his dreams or whatever he thought, but they weren’t meant to end up like this?

He’s got a bottle of beer hanging loose out in front of him and he’s watching the world move by as he swings his legs against the bench. He can see the pub from where he’s sitting which is also means he can see him.

And what exactly he’s doing.

Robert’s standing there, older, taller but clearly not any wiser considering he’s with someone else. He’s still skipping to the next person who catches his eye and Aaron clearly meant  _nothing_  to him at all. Robert dips down, kisses this girl’s mouth and rises up again, squeezing her shoulder and promising to call her and Aaron shouldn’t but he does.

He shouldn’t charge over, he should  _wait_  like he was planning on doing. He was surprising  _everyone_  tomorrow by coming home finally, by answering the questions he couldn’t in the letters. 

But now, now his heart is heavy and it burns and - 

“You fucking arsehole.” 

He hasn’t seen Robert for three whole years and it’s the very first thing he says to him. 

Robert doesn’t seem to register it. He staggers back, slips on the wet ground and he’s on the floor before he can say anything else to him. Aaron fights the urge to help him, just scowls at the way Robert is shuffling  _away_  from him like he’s petrified. 

“You - what?  _Aaron_?” He says it like he doesn’t remember him, likes he’s surprised to  _see_  him.

He says it like he didn’t hold Aaron’s hand until he was flying out with his force to a place Robert couldn’t know. 

“You remember me then?” Aaron’s chest rises up and down, and he can’t help himself. He looks at Robert, like really looks at him and he soaks in the changes to the man. He’s cut his hair. He’s got more freckles than Aaron remembers. 

Aaron hates him.

“Aaron Dingle. We sort of went out for a bit. And when I say a bit I mean -“

“I don’t understand.” Robert gathers himself up, holds onto the bench next to him and shakes his head a few times. “I don’t understand how -“

Before he can say anything else, Chas is coming out to inspect the noise and she’s making all these fucking sounds as she wraps her arms around Aaron. 

She’s hysterical with it. 

And Aaron doesn’t understand either now, until he does. 

And Robert’s ran before he can chase him down.

••

The thing is, apparently everyone thought Aaron had died because he had changed forces without alerting his senior. In reality he was just following danger and risking his life that little bit more. 

He was AWOL according to his old force. So that meant his family were informed. It meant  _Robert_  was informed.

It’s ridiculous, really fucking ridiculous and he consoles his mum for hours before he heads out and finds Robert near the bus stop. He’s out in the cold. He’s not even moving and Aaron doesn’t know what to say as he approaches him.

“Hi. Again.” Aaron wants to kiss him now because  _yeah_ , he doesn’t hate him. He could never hate him. 

Robert still looks at him like he’s looking at a ghost.

“This is probably weird for you.”

“They said you were -“ Robert pales a little and Aaron explains until he’s exhausted with it. “And you stopped replying.” 

The letters stacked up, kept piling higher and higher and it was so clear that Robert wanted him to come home. So Aaron buried them metaphorically and tried to focus on what he loved, a career he had worked for before Robert.

Before he had accidentally spilled his pint over him at some party. Before they were snogging on the stairs all night and Robert was leaving his number for Aaron to call when he came back from all the ‘hard man fighting.’

“I ran out of things to say.” It’s the wrong thing to say now and three years hasn’t changed how much of a closeted dick Aaron can be when he’s backed into a corner. 

It’s why Robert goes to leave. “No Robert wait.” He says, hooks an arm and feels the older man pull away sharply anyway because he can. 

“You left me. Again. And again. And again. Then I find out you’re most likely  _dead_.” Robert says all these things that make Aaron want to throw up, he says the truth. Aaron doesn’t like thinking about that. “And you have the  _nerve_  to come back here and -“

“Cut the theatrics.” Aaron says, “I mean you were  _so_  cut up about me that I saw you snogging a new girl of yours just a few hours ago.” He says it like he means it. He says it like he has the fucking  _right_  to.

Robert stares at him, stunned. “I -“

“Don’t need to lie to me.” Aaron shrugs his shoulders and there’s still this heat inside. “I saw it with my own eyes.”

“What? Me trying to put my life back together?” 

Aaron wants the violins to come out next, a proper band to start playing for Robert. 

And it’s horrible and mean but he has no idea what it was like.

He has no idea how much Aaron loves him does he?

“Spare me the sob story.”

Robert laughs, but he doesn’t mean it, it’s dry and sad and Aaron hates it. “Oh yeah, only big strong Aaron gets one. He’s the one fighting for queen and country and the rest of us have to get on with it.” 

It stings. Aaron suddenly gulps hard and watches the anger on Robert’s face grow as he becomes red and blotchy. He looks like he could cry and Aaron’s never seen that before.

Not even when he had to leave. 

“Don’t try and spin this around on me.” Aaron flaps a hand about. “Or play the victim here like - like you haven’t already got someone else lined up.”

That thought plagued Aaron’s mind for months on end. Someone new coming along, Aaron not being  _enough_.

“You said you’d wait for me?” Aaron whispers, and tears form in his eyes without his permission. He hates how emotional he’s getting considering how fucking angry he was a few hours ago.

Robert shakes his head. “You were dead.” He whispers. “And I -“

“ _Had_ to have someone else in your bed.” It’s why it comes down to for Robert, or at least it’s easier for that to be the case. It’s also easier to make out that Robert is an emotionless dick. It’s always been better that way. 

“That’s not -“

“Did it take you long to move on from me?” Aaron deadpans. Waits. Watches Robert’s mind work over time. “Of course it didn’t.” He says, bites his lip, tries to breathe. “Nah. ‘Cause I always loved you more.”

Robert has tears welling in his eyes. “Two weeks.”

Aaron laughs, but it also hits his gut so it comes out strange and sad. “About the average time then. I don’t even know why I -“

“- for me to get out of my room, I mean ask Vic.” Robert backs towards the bus shelter again and Aaron holds back tears. “I hated everything and everyone and I wanted to hate you too ‘cause you fucked off to follow your dreams and you got yourself killed and I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

Robert’s not like this. Robert’s not an emotional wreck. 

“Robert -“

“You asked like it was possible  _for_  me to move on. But it wasn’t.” Robert says, hands in his leather pockets now. “How could it be when I was still in love with a dead man?”

Aaron moves towards him, a hand covering his mouth because he doesn’t understand how to control what he feels. 

“Rob -“

“And that’s who you are Aaron. A dead man. I’m sorry.” 

••

The next time he sees Robert, he’s putting things in the boot of his car.

“Please don’t tell me you’re -“

“I need to clear my head.” Robert doesn’t even look up to see him. It’s because of Aaron. Everyone knows it’s because of Aaron.

“Can’t we just talk?” Aaron’s saying, a hand out in front of him and eyes pleading now. “Like properly. You tell me things and I tell you things.” He’s trying to be a grown up for once and Robert should be proud.

He nods his head instead and they settle things over a coffee at Robert’s. Theirs. It was _meant_ to be theirs when Aaron came back.

There’s a pile of things in the corner of the room next to a cardboard box with Aaron’s name on it.

“Aaron, everything has changed.” Robert says, draws Aaron away from the box and towards the man he’s supposed to love and be with like normal adults. 

“Not really.” Aaron says. “I’m still a stupid hot head who doesn’t deserve you waiting around.” He half smiles and Robert looks down. “Robert -“

“Did you think you’d come back and everything would be okay?” Robert asks like he genuinely wants to know. 

Aaron goes to open his mouth and then he closes it. “I hoped. I was - I was  _scared_  that you’d hate me but I didn’t think you’d be with someone else.” He frowns, eyes flickering as he hugs his mug of coffee. “I thought we could work it out.”

“What was I supposed to think when you didn’t reply to my letters?” 

And he’s got all these points. He’s making so much sense and Aaron’s head wants to explode.

“You don’t have the answers because you’ve treated me like  _shit_ Aaron and all I’ve ever done is love the bones of ya.”

“I know!” Aaron shouts now, bursts open. “Don’t you think I know that? I’m to blame. Me. So I blamed you ‘cause it was easier but it isn’t is it? Seeing you hurt, it’s the fucking worst feeling in the world and I  _hate_  myself for putting you through all of this.”

Robert’s chin wobbles and suddenly he’s crying, he’s  _crying_. He’s got his head in his hands and his shoulders won’t stop shaking. 

“One letter. Just  _one_  and -“

“I’m so sorry.” Somehow Aaron’s on his knees, petting Robert’s and trying to stop him from crying. “I’m so  _sorry_. I was - I just loved you too much and I couldn’t deal with it.” 

It’s not an excuse. It’s just a fact and Robert seems to get it as he raises his head. 

“But if you give me the chance, I’ll prove it to you.” 

Robert raises his head and frowns. “Nothing’s changed. You’re still in the army and I’m still -“

“I’ll leave.” 

Robert rolls his eyes. “Like I’d let you.” Because that’s always been the other problem, Robert’s not selfish enough to make him choose. 

“I choose you.” Aaron says, because he knows that silently it’s always been this hasn’t it? It’s always been a choice. And Aaron’s always always going to want _this_. “I choose your gorgeous freckly stupid face over the army any day. I choose us.” 

Robert heaves his chest up and down. “You -“

“I know.” Aaron knows he’s overwhelmed, he understands, has a hand across Robert’s cheek and it startles the older man. “Yeah. I’m soft now too.” He explains, makes Robert smile a little. 

“I’ve just wanted this for three whole years Aaron.”

Aaron nods slowly. “Same here idiot.” He says. “But I was  _scared_ , because the army was my safety blanket and then you replaced it didn’t you? I wasn’t ready to accept that but I am now.”

Robert looks away for a second and Aaron lets go of his hold on him.

“But if you’re happy with that girl. I’ll let you be. I won’t stand in the way. I promise.”

Robert frowns at him. “She’s not you.” He says, like that’s all he has to say and he’s nodding his head. “I want you. I want you, I want you so much Aaron I -“

It’s enough.

It makes Aaron crash into him, mouth hands teeth flying around the place and they end up getting hot and heavy at the bottom of Robert’s stairs. 

It’s been too fucking long.

“Promise me, we’ll get to be old and boring together, that you won’t go?” Robert whispers into his ear, slow, steady, soft. 

Aaron thinks of that ring in his pocket. He promises.

 

 


	4. “That was the worst day of my life.”

Robert’s not pissed yet but he’s steadily getting there isn’t he? He’s allowed to anyway.

It’s his little sister’s big day and so it calls for getting legless in his book. You know, the one he made the minute he saw his ex walk in with someone new on his arm.

Well not on his arm. That’s not really Aaron’s style. But standing  _real_ close and basically in Aaron’s book they were practically dry humping near the chocolate fountain.

And Robert is now watching them like some mad obsessive hawk, he’s got a bowl of crisps in his hands and a frown on his face and he doesn’t give a fuck how rude he’s being because Vic knows herself.

“Listen, I could hardly  _not_  invite him could I?” She looks magazine cover sort of stunning and he wills himself to give her a soft smile and brush it all off like it doesn’t really matter.

To be fair, it shouldn’t. It shouldn’t mean a thing at all considering the way things were left between them.

Bitterly.

“Yeah I know.” Robert says, pulls a hand up towards his tie and tightens it up as he sees Aaron walking with the bloke and laughing and something he’s said. “It doesn’t even matter.” 

It’s been  _five_  years and a lot has happened since Aaron went and fucked him over the way Robert has fucked over every other person who he’s been with. 

“You say that and then you sit in the corner all by yourself at my wedding.” Vic says things sometimes and Robert wants to tell her to shut up but he can’t because it’s her  _wedding day_  and all of that nonsense. 

“It happened ages ago.” Robert plays with the pieces of confetti on the table and lets Vic bang on about the fact that he’s got other things to focus on. 

She means Annie. 

He watches her twirl herself around with her uncle Andy and for a second he forgets that Aaron’s here somewhere. He’s in amongst the flipping crowd and Robert has his guard up until Annie’s making him dance with her and he’s this awkwardly tall git who’s been bullied into this by his little girl.

 

“Oh sorry.” He feels someone bump into him and of course it’s got to be Aaron. He’s standing there with his mouth open wide like he didn’t expect to see the brother of the bride at the wedding. Like it’s breaking news.

He’s also got a champagne flute in his hand and it looks so out of place that Robert nearly laughs.

“Shit.” Aaron clearly lets out a breath he’s been holding and Robert just keeps looking at him as Annie starts to thump up and down on the floor as she dances. “Robert.”

“Didn’t expect me to be here?” Robert plays it cool like he used to, you know, when Aaron was a friend with benefits and they were younger and more reckless with feelings.

Aaron’s got a confidence about him now doesn’t he? He’s taller, sharper, that beard of his is less scrubby now. Yet he still sort of looks away, like he’s still shy, like Robert still has all the power.

Like he ever bloody did.

“Manhattan.” Aaron blurts out, and his shock looks ridiculous with a sea of kids bopping about near him. “Vic said you were living there now.”

Robert shakes his head. “About three years ago, I came back.” He says, and it’s not like they follow each other on Instagram or anything like that so he can understand Aaron’s confusion. “I found out that -“

“Daddy you’re not even trying to dance like me.” Annie’s all toothy grin and blonde locks and she’s wriggling her hips around like the expressive dress she’s wearing is designed for this. Robert stares down at her and then looks back up at Aaron’s face.

“Daddy?” He whispers, disbelief clear and Robert can’t do anything other than not hid head a little before Aaron’s other half (Jesus) is coming over and introducing himself.

“This - this is Jake.” Aaron says, pointing to the man standing next to him and Robert plays nice as he shakes his head and gives him a smile.

And then Aaron’s disappearing from sight with him and Robert tries to forget he ever even saw him.

••

Naturally Robert ends up outside to catch some air and Aaron’s already there smoking. Robert turns to leave and then realises that they don’t have to be childish about this if they don’t want to.

Robert can handle this.

“Are you avoiding me?” Aaron poses the question with a confidence Robert wishes he had. He has a foot pressed against the wall and he slides it away to look properly at Robert.

“Why would I do that?” Robert shrugs a little, almost smiles like he doesn’t understand the question but he does. Of course he fucking does.

Aaron shrugs. “Because of Jake.” He paces a little, and then stops again as Robert looks right at him. “Or because it’s been so long.”

Either one suits but Robert doesn’t want to let it be the case.

“No it’s good to see you.” He shrugs, looks towards his feet and when he looks up again Aaron’s closer to him. “Aaron -“

“I’ve been wanting to say sorry you know.” Aaron says it like he’s sorry for pushing Robert on the dance floor not for things that happened five whole years ago. “For the way we left things.”

Robert shakes his head. “There’s no need.”

“I hurt you.” 

It’s everywhere, this feeling of hurt, it’s like Aaron’s conjured it up again and Robert’s looking across at the note Aaron’s left him. The one that tells him he’s leaving and he won’t be coming back.

Robert doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say to that, so he just acts like he hasn’t heard. Only Aaron’s still banging on about it and he’s always been too nice of a person to be a dick.

“It’s okay.” Robert says. “You don’t have to  _apologise_  for running out on the emotionless robot.”

He doesn’t mean to remind Aaron of one of the most famous insults but he does. 

Aaron gives him a half smile as if he’s remembering as well. “I shouldn’t have called you that either.” 

Robert frowns and Aaron just keeps staring at him. “You don’t have to do this, I don’t even know  _why_  you are.”

“Because I left. I know we weren’t a  _thing_  but -“

“You left because I couldn’t be with you properly.” Robert snaps. “And I don’t hold it against you. I wouldn’t.” He says, and he’s cutting Aaron some slack here, he’s pretending that he didn’t actually sit on his bed and cry whilst he read the letter. “I got over it anyway.”

No he didn’t.

Aaron left this scar, this realisation that love can fuck you over.

Aaron looks at him now like someone’s stamping on his heart. “Kid now and everything. Vic kept that quiet as well.”

“Yeah well, she wasn’t planned or anything.” Robert remembers being heartbroken and in some woman’s bed for a few nights a week before he was in Manhattan trying to make a life for himself and then he was being pulled back her because he had a  _baby_  all of a sudden. 

“You’re life seems pretty made.” Aaron just keeps staring at him. “I’m happy for you.” 

And Aaron’s still too nice.

“Shut up.” Robert tells him. “What is this? We swap stories about how  _great_  our lives our now we’ve both fucked each other over?”

It’s a wedding, there’s lilac balloons above their heads and it’s supposed to be a joyous occasion but he can’t, he genuinely can’t  _not_  act like a venomous dick now that Aaron’s here in the flesh. 

Aaron scowls. “I was tryna be nice. I don’t even know why I bothered.”

“Neither do I.” Robert spits. “We’re strangers now, me and you. That’s what you said in your letter to me, remember?”

‘ _I can’t be like this with you. I can’t have some of you when you know I want all of you._

_So I’m leaving, and we’ll go back to being strangers.’_

Aaron’s face is all red now, there’s crinkles around his eyes and he looks frustrated. “I was angry. I was  _pissed_  that you didn’t give a shit about me.” He says. “And now,  _now_  you’ve got a  _family_?” His voice breaks. It just breaks and Robert has no choice but to listen to him. “You broke my heart over and over again, and you said you didn’t want serious, you didn’t and to  _settle_. You didn’t  _do_  relationships and then -“

“You came along!” Robert explodes in this stupid way. He’s trained himself to bottle up feelings but he can’t now that Aaron’s practically crying in front of him. It won’t stop, he pushes at Aaron’s chest and he backs him against the wall. “You made me  _feel_  something and I was going to tell ya, I was planning on doing it but you were  _gone_.” He holds a hand against Aaron’s chest and watches all the surprise descend over his face. 

“You’re lying. You’re messing with my -“

“I wish I was.” Robert says, shakes his head, chin almost wobbling as Aaron looks at him. “But I came back and you weren’t there and you  _broke_  my heart.” 

Aaron’s eyes just keep flickering, eyes watering now. “Rob -“

“I - I was in love with you.” Robert reveals it, he just pushes it out and Aaron shivers against how close they are now. 

“Rob -“ Aaron’s eyes dart towards Robert’s lips, he’s got this look in his eye and Robert has to push himself away. “Robert I’m -“

“I have to go back inside, Annie -“

“You can’t just say you loved me and do one.”

“It’s basically what you did.” Robert says, “You didn’t love me but you cared enough to leave. You left Aaron. And we all moved on.”

“I didn’t.” Aaron says, and he keeps saying stupid shit. “How could I? I loved you then and now - now I know I always will.” 

Robert should be happy but he isn’t. He feels like someone’s stamping across his heart without giving a toss.

“You don’t know shit Aaron. Don’t say stuff like -“

“That was the worst day of my life. When I left you. When I left that note.” 

Robert has his eyes closed and when he opens them, there’s a hand on his waist and Aaron’s kissing him gently on the lips. He pushes him away because he has to, and then he’s pushing him against the wall and they’re acting like long lost lovers.

Maybe they are.

Robert pushes away roughly, breath ragged as he looks towards his feet and then sees that Aaron’s staring at someone at the door.

Annie’s standing there with her head tilted and eyes wide but she’s smiling a little. 

“Annie.” Robert rushes towards her, gathers her up towards his waist and she waves at Aaron like she knows him. “Daddy was just talking to Aaron. His friend.”

“And kissing his face!” 

Aaron’s still trying to catch his breath, he still has his back against the wall and he doesn’t look like he can move even if he wanted to.

“Just a bit.” Aaron whispers.

“Are you getting up the aisle like auntie Vic and -“

“No.” Robert strokes over her hair. “No flower, we aren’t. Aaron’s got a -“

“Your dad. Aaron wants your daddy again.” Aaron looks at Annie, smiles faintly and then looks up at Robert. “For good, if he’ll have him.”

Robert gulps hard, and he knows that he’s changed, he knows that he’s not the same old dick he was all those years ago. He knows love. He knows what people mean to him, what  _Aaron_  means to him. 

“Even though I hurt ya?” Robert whispers, and if he had it his way, he’d be doing this over a coffee and not with a gobby three year old in his arms but hey ho.

Aaron comes closer again. “You’re different. I already know.” He looks at him like he’s in love with him, like he genuinely wants him. “I know, and I want ya.”

Robert just looks down at Annie faintly. Like she’s enough reason for Aaron to get a grip and leave the way he came but Aaron holds her hand instead and she lets him. “One step at a time.”

Robert has tears in his eyes, they fall and he’s pathetic but Aaron was never disappearing for him was he? Not really anyway.

“Okay.” Robert whispers, and Annie’s asking to be held by Aaron, it takes a second before she’s on his shoulders instead and Aaron’s a natural.

He shouldn’t be but he is.

“Okay.” Aaron says, and Annie climbs off and slides down his leg before she’s holding Robert’s hand and dragging him back inside. “Robert.” He says and Annie runs ahead as Aaron kisses Robert’s face hard and fast again. 

“I’ll leave him.” Aaron says. “Just give me until -“

“I’ll wait.” Robert says. “If you love him, if you -“

“I only love you. Idiot.” Aaron slaps his chest like he used to do. “Give me until the wedding’s over, and - and I’ll tell him.” His eyes flicker like he’s dreading it and Robert nods before he’s gone.

**

Aaron said he’d meet him by the swings in the village the very next day but it’s been over an hour and he shouldn’t have bought Annie with him but Rosie was having meetings and he offered.

And now he’s got her running around and poking things with sticks as they wait for Aaron to come.

But it’s been over an hour hasn’t it? It’s been over an hour and Aaron’s either bottled it or decided that what he had with Robert wasn’t enough and he wouldn’t blame him. They were always in bed, they rarely talked about anything and Robert constantly made out like he didn’t have any feelings for Aaron.

It aches him a little as he thinks about it, he hurts and it only gets worse when Annie toddles up to him. “Is your friend not coming?” She’s three but she hears things apparently.

“I don’t think so flower.” Robert scoops her up in his arms and she gives him cuddles when he asks her to. She makes it a little less gutting until he looks over his shoulder and sees Aaron standing there with a smile on his face.

He waves, and Robert finally gets back the one that got away.


	5. "I trusted you."

Aaron’s used to this part, well not used to it because he’s usually gone by now but still. Here’s heard the stories of the target finding out, crying, screaming and shouting and getting the chance to be a victim like they are one.

They’re not.

Aaron knows that, it’s why he does his job. He tricks the biggest tricksters in the world and relishes in the way they squirm.

They’re not victims.

But Robert looks a lot like one now.

He’s got tears in his eyes and Aaron’s never seen him cry before, they threaten to fall and so does Aaron. He hesitates, watches as Robert clearly tries to gather himself back to being the hard nosed businessman that Aaron knows.

Loves.

The thought makes something hiss inside of the man, makes him want to back away slowly before it’s too late. But it already feels like it is? 

“How could you?” It’s a question, gathered up, built upon as Robert attempts to look up at Aaron. He can’t. His eyes fall back down and Aaron tries to breathe.

“I was doing my job. At first.” Aaron says, the last bit shouldn’t be said because it’s not  _supposed_  to be said and  _yet_  here he is, saying it. He’s blowing cover over this poxy git and it’s not fair. 

Robert’s supposed to be the bad guy. Robert’s supposed to deserve what’s coming to him, and *that happens to be his business fall through the roof.

“Your job?” Robert raises his head. “You make a living out of destroying people’s lives?”

Aaron’s eyes widen. “That’s more your style.” He says, like he hasn’t been in Robert’s bed and heard him explain just how different his life is now, how much he hates the old him, the one who hurt people over and over again.

Robert’s still on the floor, he’s still just sitting there like he can’t move and Aaron holds his breath for a second.

“I didn’t mean for -“

“For what?” Robert asks, eyes now looking at Aaron and the younger man prefers him weak, he really does. “For me to fall in love with you?”

It hits heavy and hard and Aaron doesn’t know how he’s supposed to carry on breathing.

He does, barely. He feels his chest tighten and Robert laughs it off, drags a bottle of something closer to him as Aaron just stares, stunned.

“Well I did.” Robert says, “You made me want to change how fucked up I was.” He shakes his head. “You comin’ in here,  _perfect_  barman,  _perfect_  smile.” His voice wavers and Aaron has to gulp down hard. “And all along, you were spying on me?”

Aaron bites his lip hard before he speaks, tries to control his emotions like he can. “I wasn’t spying -“

“Plotting then.” Robert waves a hand out like he’s being reasonable. “Plottin’ my downfall ‘cause my ex  _paid_  ya to.” 

It’s more complicated than that and Robert knows it deep down, he must do. Aaron knows himself that he shouldn’t have taken the job, shouldn’t have followed Chrissie’s money despite how desperate he was.

He knew from the minute Robert kissed him in his office, made him feel something other than worry for the first time in months.

“Rob -“ Aaron tries, but Robert wants him gone and he can’t. “You think I can leave you like this?”

Robert scoffs. “Everyone else has.” And it feels like someone’s punching Aaron’s gut repeatedly, relentlessly. 

And it must be love if Robert’s pain is the worst feeling Aaron can think of.

“I won’t.” Aaron says it suddenly, eyes wide, adamant and Robert scoffs at him again doesn’t he? Aaron doesn’t even blame him. “Robert, I never meant to -“

Robert has a hand through his hair, long fingers chase and then stop as he looks up at Aaron. “I trusted you.” He whispers, and he doesn’t say it but Aaron hears it all.

He hears about his dad, about wanting to impress him, about Andy and the pain of his jealously. 

He hears it all in his whisper and he’s never been so sorry.

“I’m sorry.” It’s heavy, it’s there but it’s not  _enough_. It might never be. 

“You’re sorry.” Robert blinks quickly, over and over again and then he pulls himself up from the wall slowly. “ _Sorry_?”

Aaron nods, his breathing is all quick now and he’s not used to being like this, affected, fucking  _sad_  over a bloke. “I want to put this right.”

“You were just doing your job.” Robert shrugs, like he isn’t hurting. “It’s my fault that I saw something that wasn’t there.” 

But it was. 

“Rob, please let me help -“ Aaron closes in, a hand is pressed against Robert’s waist and he looks up at him. “I’ll do whatever it takes, whatever you want.” 

Robert loses down at Aaron, presses a hand against the younger man’s chest. “Then go.”

And Aaron feels tears fall down his face.

••

Chrissie texts him the good news, a job well done and all of that and Aaron turns his phone off.

He’s more embarrassed than relieved, ashamed of himself for thinking that he would be able to go through with it all. 

Tricking Robert into a signing contracts and deals and basically fucking up his livelihood. 

So he comes up with a plan, storms Robert’s club with the details of it all and is surprised he even gets through to see him.

“I know you hate me.” Aaron begins, chest heaving a little as Robert stares up from his chair. “I know that you should and everything but I’m here ‘cause I want to help.”

Robert rolls his eyes. “With what?”

And explains his plan, thinks it’s fallen on deaf eyes before Robert squints at him. 

“Like I can trust you?”

Aaron drops his head, feels himself losing hope and then he dares himself to be brave. “I’m not expecting you too, but please - please just give me this chance.”

And Robert for some mad reason  _does_.

He gives Aaron the chance to steal back the documents with Robert agreeing to sign his whole business over to Chrissie fucking White. 

And it pays off.

Aaron runs in half an hour later, red faced and eyes wide and gulping hard. He has this envelopes drawn across his chest and he shoves them down in front of Robert. “She’ll probably suspect but -“

Robert just sort of stares down at the papers before looking up at Aaron. “You actually did it.”

Aaron half nods, there’s silence descending suddenly and it dies once he blows out a breath. “And I actually love you as well.” He shrugs, like words don’t have meaning and Robert yanks his head up to hear clearer. “When you said you did - love me, I loved you too but I couldn’t say could I?”

When they were in the middle of having sex, Aaron on top of him, eyes blown and chest heaving and Robert reaching up and saying it for fuck all reason other than the fact that he clearly did love Aaron.

Aaron’s awkwardly shuffling about on his feet, eyes darting all over the place as he tries to concentrate and Robert looks towards his feet.

“‘Cause you were working for her.” Robert says quietly.

“Not anymore.” Aaron chases the feeling. “Not after  _this_. I’ve got it all back, I’m not gonna let her ruin ya.” Despite what she says, what she thinks, what she’s told Aaron about how fucked Robert is.

Robert gulps, raises his head and the pain isn’t hard to find suddenly. It’s written all over his face. “Look out for me then?” 

Aaron nods slowly, and then he’s leaning towards Robert. Inching closer and closer and - 

“I love you.” He says, “Trust me -“

Robert frowns slightly. “Trust  _you_?” He says, and Aaron goes to turn, to leave him the fuck alone and be done with it but then he’s being spun around again and Robert’s lips are pressed against his.

Over and over again, until Robert’s jeans are down and Aaron’s mouth is everywhere. And then they’re both laying next on the floor like they used to and Robert still struggles to catch his breath.

Aaron plays with Robert’s hands lightly, looks across to him. “I’ll never lie to you.” He says, means it. Robert turns towards him, blinks and then nods.

“I’m not the most honest person either.” Robert says, shrugs and then Aaron holds his waist tighter to remind him that he’s being serious. “You’ll make it up to me.” He says, “I’ll trust ya, I -“

Aaron kisses him, moves until he’s on top of the older man and fully embracing him. “You can trust me, I’ll prove that.” He locks their fingers together, slides back down and his heart skips knowing that he’s got a chance, he’s actually got a chance to put it right.

“Aaron?”

“Mmm?” 

Robert blows out a breath, looks across at the files Aaron’s taken back for him and then down at the younger man. “I love you too.” 

And Aaron clings tighter.


End file.
